A BROKEN LEG
I’ve finally lost count of how long I’ve been in this cast, it’s not been up to a month but it feels like it has been a million years. It’s almost as if I’ve lost or better yet I’m losing myself considering all what I do these days is sleep eat and watch movies. I don’t want to be like that in fact left to me having a broken leg wldn’t stop me from going on with my normal activities, but then I find myself in sort of a mixed up situation. living the dangerous life I’m fond of living, I mean jumping around from high places climbing walls, walking on walls in a tilted position, trying to jump to the other side of a wall without actually landing on the ground on the other side, are things I’m sure if I did I would get my parents more worried about me than they already are, worst case scenario I might make them spend money they do not have on me. There is also what I might end up doing to myself if I decide to put myself in the way of danger while I’m recovering , probably having to stay in the cast longer or actually loosing the leg, those are very scary thoughts that make the situation I find myself in, worst to handle, better yet less easier to handle. There is also the adrenalin , how much alive I feel when I do this things when I run when I do my stunts, how much I miss being able to listen to music and dance , move my body , looking forward to the challenge the next day holds, and actually hitting it head on. It’s hard to make a decision without being selfish to my family or myself were to put the balance it’s almost impossible.
After some time I came to realize that the situation I find myself in, having a broken leg comes with a whole new set of challenges a totally different version of challenges as compared to the challenges you experience and expect to experience, the ones that you face when you have two functional legs, hands, eyes, ears, one nose and mouth, in short when you are 90% healthy. I can’t tell you every single challenge you face when you have a dysfunctional leg, hand, eye, ear or any part of your body you might have a problem with, but what I can tell you is the challenges I went through and I’m still going through.
The first challenge I had to overcome was to prevent myself from regretting as soon as I broke my leg because in reality I would have avoided it if I had paid attention to the events that took place while I was perfecting my skills, if I had just listened to my parents and aunt, if I wasn’t the human who always had a reason for his actions, the human who just can’t listen when told not to do certain things, the human who is naturally attracted to danger, why I couldn’t just sit down in the chair and continue watching human target. All this things I had to prevent myself from allowing to take control of my emotions.
How my aunt was going to react considering she had told me several times to, stop to be careful, but I wouldn’t listen. How pissed my parents were going to get. I refer to this as a challenge because of the guilt that comes with it. The scolding is something I couldn’t avoid it had to come weather I liked it or not, now the guilt was something I knew I had to work on, I had to make sure it didn’t consume me. I’ll be honest with you I don’t know how I dealt with it; all I know is that I stayed in control.
Personally I hate pain but at the same time I can endure it, the pain I was feeling was the worst I had ever felt in my entire life, enduring it was useless because I lost the ability to, it was as if my leg was breathing pain just like a dragon breaths fire. Have you ever wanted to cry but you just couldn’t and when you were finally able to cry you felt more relieved and like a weight had been lifted? Getting home wasn’t easy but I to by any means possible.
There is also the part when your siblings, friends and parents, make fun of you and laugh at the situation you in. I learnt and will tell you for free that that is the best thing they can do for you and is a million times better than them looking all sad and feeling sorry for you, it never helps but when there is laughter and happiness in the air and you are the center of it, trust me handling the pain and everything else is much easier. This might sound crazy but it helps you cry much easier, as in the want to cry finally becomes a reality .
I hate hospitals, I mean I hate having to go to the hospital for me because then I’ll have to take drugs and I hate drugs, I go up to the extent of laughing at the doctors or even asking them if they were sure of their diagnoses. And in my experience some doctors are just rough, yes I said it rough, no offence to the sweet, nice, kind, and tender ones. I still don’t understand why the doctors couldn’t just make me sleep when they were about to put a cast on my leg . I dn’t know which is better a bone that breaks and is displaced so you have to put the two edges back together or the bone that breaks but stays in place. It’s a food for thought.
Now there are a number of things I like to do , they all have to do with writing. I wake up in the morning hoping to do my chores, clean up and go to work but then reality kicks in, its not all being a dream, I actually broke my leg and I’m actually in a cast, mom comes in with breakfast and to check how I’m doing, dad comes in to make sure I take my medications and help me clean up. That’s when I realize I have to use crouches to work, I have to find the most comfortable way to set my legs down to avoid pain, I have to find something to do to occupy myself.
True i write scripts, stories and other things, but then doing that doesn’t really appeal to me right now, so I don’t do any, all I want to do is watch something and probably forget how helpless and useless I feel. How much I detest having to be within this four walls because I have no choice, at some point I don’t want to live my cage anymore, because I don’t see the sense in it, it no longer makes any sense to me because at this point all I can think about is how useless I am. At some point you stop having any movies to watch , no credit, no friends around to talk to and laugh with, its just me , loneliness begins to kick in.
But that isn’t me so I begin to write, watch movies, get up from that bed and try to get what I want when I want it, chat with the few friends I can chat with, do some sit ups, talk to my family and laugh with them. Most people said God finally found a way to put me down and slow me down, take things one step at a time. I had beaten the challenges that have come up to this point. Now I look at the bright side, this whole experience is a challenge, I have to make this two months , two months I’ll will never forget, figure out why God wanted me to slow down, shear my experience, to let people know being disabled isn’t the end of life rather it’s a chance to find new ways to do things.
A BROKEN LEG